WHAT A COLORFUL BRUISE I'VE GOT

By Sir Steven MacEanruig and Sir William the Lucky

My legs have felt the pounding of a hundred thousand blows,
The times my sword has broken only God in heaven knows,
Each blow upon my helmet jolts me clear down to my toes,
And I ain't a-gonna fight no more.

Chorus: Glory, glory what a colorful bruise I've got,
Glory, glory what a colorful bruise I've got,
Glory, glory what a colorful bruise I've got,
And I ain't a-gonna fight no more.

On the morning of the tourney I stepped bravely on the field,
And then I saw my foeman and my senses they did reel.
He was six eight, three hundred pounds, and forged out of steel.
And I ain't a-gonna fight no more.

Chorus

He cracked my shield and broke my helm and beat me to the ground.
My armor lay in tatters all the tourney field around.
They gathered it together, though one boot they never found,
And I ain't a-gonna fight no more.

Chorus

And when the melee teams were picked my heart was filled with fear,
They put me in the foremost rank, although I craved the rear,
The blows I took disabled me for almost half a year,
And I ain't a-gonna fight no more.

Chorus

So now when tourneys come around I watch them from the side.
The blood and gore upon the field my body can't abide.
Now with the lovely ladies on the sidelines I'll reside,
And I ain't a-gonna fight no more.

Chorus

Tune: John Brown's Body, Battle Hymn of the Republic